I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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