So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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