Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
third nipple confirmed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.