I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"