I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize