Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.

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  (706): oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out. http://tfl.nu/6a0y
  Replies (5) Good night (801) Bad night (2846)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

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  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (13319) Bad night (1036)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.

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  (908): All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me. http://tfl.nu/8azw
  Replies (16) Good night (776) Bad night (3455)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

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  (208): I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/g0yc
  Replies (13) Good night (4460) Bad night (950)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.

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  (703): This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar. http://tfl.nu/4fqp
  Replies (9) Good night (2453) Bad night (873)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

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  (973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am http://tfl.nu/1gc0
  Replies (8) Good night (7119) Bad night (794)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.

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  (806): Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit. http://tfl.nu/p6mu
  Replies (9) Good night (2197) Bad night (1038)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign

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  (703): the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign http://tfl.nu/m52j
  Replies (10) Good night (5008) Bad night (1142)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne

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  (775): We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne http://tfl.nu/t4g9
  Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (462)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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  (215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e
  Replies (22) Good night (1096) Bad night (2836)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.

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  (502): Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home. http://tfl.nu/5iun
  Replies (15) Good night (518) Bad night (850)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.

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  (613): Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in. http://tfl.nu/gv1u
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (332)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.

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  (610): I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/onnq
  Replies (1) Good night (797) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.

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  (440): Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis. http://tfl.nu/4osl
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore

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  (603): The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore http://tfl.nu/4txe
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (218)

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