Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so that wasnt chicken after all
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
