even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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