He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
