He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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