just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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