After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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