'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
