New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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