i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
