absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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