If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
