dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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