When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
