Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
