i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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