Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize