Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
