So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
