We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
