i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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