We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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