you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize