Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
