I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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