Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
