haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
