I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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