this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
