he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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