he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
