I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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