just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
