weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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