I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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