just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
