So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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