Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize