it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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