I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
