You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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