so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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