She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
