Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
