I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
