I must be too annoying 4 u.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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