Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
