I wish I could teleport
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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