apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
