"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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