I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
