why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
