I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
