I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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