I wish my penis had an off switch
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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