I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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