I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i believe in u and ur pee
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