Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
