Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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