Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
